The past few weeks have been generally uneventful in regard to falling. I had random falls here and there, but those were primarily my fault as I wasn’t extra cautious when I transferred in and out of Roxy (my wheelchair).
However, yesterday I experienced the type of fall that damages me the most psychologically – the dreaded knee collapsing fall.
Knee collapsing falls are the worst! You don’t and can’t anticipate them. There is no faintness, no lack of balance, nothing to foresee that you are about to fall!
You feel fine one moment, and then the next you are in a free fall on your way to the ground. You feel stable and then – boom – your knees just give way. You don’t fall backwards or forwards – just straight down. Like a sack of potatoes. The milliseconds pass in slow motion as you eventually find yourself on the ground in an incredibly awkward position with your feet bent under your bum. Oh, and how it hurts too.
Yesterday I was a bit more fortunate (if you can even consider falling fortunate). I was just about to sit down on my wheelchair as I finished pulling a pair of pants over my bum when it happened. Since I was already leaning backwards, I fell into my chair. Thankfully the brakes were on and I didn’t fall backwards AND hit my chair as it rolled away. Oww.
I was so shook up after it happened that I began to weep uncontrollably for at least 20 minutes. Startled, my mother heard me and rushed to see if I was okay.
But I was not okay.
I assumed those types of falls were behind me and that I was slowly getting better and progressing in my mobility journey. I feel like I’ve taken two steps backwards rather than one step forward.
It’s such a horrible sensation to feel totally helpless from a knee collapsing fall. It’s an experience I don’t wish on anyone – and certainly not on myself anymore. I can just pray and hope that those types of falls are behind me. Forever.
Thanks for reading. Diane.
I doused myself in Hello Kitty goodness in an attempt to cheer myself up. (It worked)