Social Consequences.

One of the most difficult aspects of my condition is my lack of life.  My social life is non existent.  It’s not there.  BOOM.  Gone.  I’d like to attribute that to the fact that it is very problematic to leave my house to interact with people, and not because I am a huge loser or anything.  :)  But in an event that I do manage to leave, the Pain Gods get angry and bestow many consequences upon me for escaping my dungeon.

In other words: I end up suffering from even worse back/leg etc. pain.  Ouch!

So I often find myself in a conundrum.  Do I risk going somewhere when I am having a good day?  Will that good day then turn into a bad one?  Why does the universe hate me?  Those questions (and more) have been on my mind a lot lately.

I have been feeling very sad and depressed lately.  Being isolated, living in the middle of nowhere, being confined to my home – all of those things contribute to a severe case of cabin fever.  I rarely get to go out, and when I do, it’s usually to see a doctor.  And last week I couldn’t even leave my house for a few medical appointments because of the inclement weather, thus marking ‘Day 8’ of total isolation.  I didn’t go anywhere.  Not even for a drive, etc.  I was going stir crazy.  I was climbing the walls.  Claustrophobia was setting in – all of that fun stuff.

On Sunday the weather cleared temporarily, and I felt a bit better, so it was agreed upon that we should go to a small art gallery (for the purpose of getting me out of the house).  I had a great time.  I loved getting out of the house!  Seeing the different works of art let me focus on something other than my health and how I was feeling.  However, that was short lived.  My back had begun to hurt on the drive home and showed no sign of easing up.  Then at night, my throat swelled up randomly.

Today, I sit here medicated (but still in pain) with a sore throat that prevents me from speaking (I’m sure some in my house love that! haha) and causes me pain when I swallow.

Because of my auto-immune deficiency, I am at a crossroad of whether or not I should ride this out or go to the hospital.  I opted for riding it out.

Leaving my home for non medical purposes (like the gallery) often leaves me with painful consequences.  It sucks, but it’s a trade off I’m willing to take to be able to get out into the world once in a while – and to feel like a normal human being.

Thank you for reading.  Diane.

Some random pieces at the AGH.

Some random pieces at the AGH.

5 Comments
  1. Avatar7 years ago
    Valerie

    Very understandable…It’ll happen you’ll see plus disney is great for making dreams come true you should look into it (make a wish foundation)

    Reply
  2. Avatar7 years ago
    Valerie

    So which disney would you like to go to? The one in California or the one in Florida?

    Reply
    • Diane7 years ago
      Diane

      Disney World in Florida! I have accessibility issues and suffer from chronic pain, so it might be very difficult to make it work, but it’s a nice goal to have in my mind to keep me focused and positive.

      Reply
  3. Avatar7 years ago
    gui

    hang in there! you will be much better soon and will be able to enjoy more trips outside without the pain!

    Reply
    • Diane7 years ago
      Diane

      I’d love to go to Disney one day… :)

      Reply

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